Give · Receive · Frameworks · Scripts
| Step | How |
|---|---|
| 1. Listen fully | Don't interrupt or defend. Let them finish. |
| 2. Thank them | "Thank you for telling me" — even if it stings |
| 3. Ask questions | "Can you give me an example?" for clarity |
| 4. Reflect | Take 24 hours before deciding if you agree |
| 5. Act | Change behavior (if valid) or explain your perspective |
| Situation | Script |
|---|---|
| Positive | "When you [action], it [impact]. I appreciate it." |
| Constructive | "In [situation], when you [behavior], it [impact]. Could we try [alternative]?" |
| Asking for feedback | "What's one thing I could do better in [area]?" |
| Redirecting vague feedback | "Can you give me a specific example so I can improve?" |
| Mistake | Fix |
|---|---|
| Vague ("good job") | Be specific: what exactly was good and why |
| Public criticism | Praise in public, criticize in private |
| Feedback on character | Focus on behavior, not identity |
| Storing up feedback | Give it within 24-48 hours |
| All negative, no positive | 5:1 ratio (Gottman) — positive context first |